Merci

Here is my attempt to write something I've never tried before. ********* There was once a girl. She lived in her own world. In her own head. Her own dreams. She was very different from the rest. The other girls did things which probably categorized them. She never was like them. She lived with them but in a unique way. Not an outlaw. But a variant. She wore spectacles. She could never see properly through them. The moment she put them on, she zoned out from the world. So it was like a veil for her. She thought no one could see her simply because she couldn't see anyone else. It didn't make sense. But that's where she lived, in her head. That's actually where everyone lives. And like Dumbledore said, ' Just because its happening in your head doesn't make it unreal'. So it was real. She spent most of her life like that. She needed to come out if it. Her spectacles. Let's not get her wrong. She was pretty confident. But she liked to be on her own...

Realization brings about a sense of peace and contentment. It is a never ending process. And it is usually followed by action or in all cases, it should. Actions bring change. Change, a new phase in life. After several battles to gain your ultimate potential, I have realized plenty of things that only make me smile. Forgiving yourself is easy to do when you let go of the negativity that put you in ruins. What works for another may never work for you. Point to be noted. And when you're following the right path you will usually find yourself alone. The detractors will come with their theories only because it worked for them. They will plant a seed about how their thoughts are the best.  Their ideas or philosophies rule. You have two options. Fall prey to the worldly banter while you're lost in the din of your own thoughts. Or, have better sense to ignore. Walk away from things that pull you down. The latter comes as realization. The former will usually prevail. Soon you are immer...

So December is here and it's time for that mandatory end of year post. What were the best things I gained this year? What did I learn? What did I lose? Did I live ? Hell,yeah. I wish I could spell out everything to the T because it's a fabulous story:p  But I will write down whatever I can think of. Let's see how things went by. So, my year involved resolutions, miracles, new found friends, love, unrest, dreams shattering and pain too. Total filmy year yaar ! Professionally it was super hectic with me in a love- hate relationship with my job. I worked on only new technologies this year and nothing else. This is something I just realized. Be it Genesys to re-usable modules to web page development to visual ivr  to avaya pom .. No two things I did was the same. This makes it a very creatively satisfying year. Okay enough of professional mumbo jumbo. Do I still look for a change? Yes. Does it ever work out? No. Why? I really really don't know. Fru...

In one of my earlier posts, I had decided I would write a travelogue for my trip to Singapore. However, that never happened. Probably, because it was not a 'trip' by any means. It was a learning journey. A long one. Exciting. A new life. To much to be penned down into words. Nonetheless, I took a short break recently, travelling all the way up north of our country. So, I would like to write about that, my own style.When my father decided he particularly wanted to see Chandigarh and Amritsar and was going off on his own, I jumped into his plan. Well, I was always intrigued by Punjab ( Thanks to Bollywood :P) and what better chance could I get to step on that land than this? Okay, let a lazy person like me make a confession. The only reason I decided to go was because we managed to get tickets for Rajdhani and Duronto ( superfast trains- I get insanely tired if train journeys are long :P) --So, off we went to Chandigarh first. What do I say about that city? Beautiful. So cl...

So two roads diverged in the woods and I took the one less travelled by and it did make a difference. Differential mathematics will always teach you how things divide and for some reason keep growing bigger. Bigger in number and smaller in size. They keep multiplying in an additive way which ultimately amounts to nought. Sometimes life is like a movie if you percieve it that way. Yeah with all that background narration and feelings. Only thing is they happen in your head. Movie it is. What if I had taken the other road? Everything would've been so different today. As a thinker you are forced to think because the only thing that listen to you is yourself. So keep churning those thoughts and thinking everything you want to. Roll them in. You know life can surprise you from anywhere. Just try and not be choosy and try and value what you have. Really. Sometimes the diamond is right beside you while you are chasing the coal. And  you miss out. and guess what you get teh coal. And...

Several times you stop and ask yourself,"What tangible do I have to hold on to? After all this while and all the troubles you hurdled yourself out of. Trying to find a newer way and finally getting on the road. Only to relapse into the storm you've already seen. The battles you've already fought. Enemies becoming friends and friends your enemies. Watching yourself go down on the same road you've faced before. Not learning from past lessons. And watch your life stop as others whiz by. Or others don't really matter. Just not getting anywhere. And then dreading the loss. The loss of what you love or whom you love. One by one watch as they go. All these fears and more. Lookin for shelter but finding none. Maybe lookin for shelter in the wrong place. Seeking solace but being rebuked. Asking for help receiving derision. The scriptures say that hell awaits those who break someone's heart. Is it true? Or is it simply hell for those who are hurt ?hearts do break. Somet...

I am currently on a short vacation, thanks to an extended weekend. Yet, I want more holidays. Sitting here, writing this post I'm having a feeling that I should simply quit my job and go backpacking or live in the hills. Several times I have been told that I would get bored in the hills, but I keep hoping that one day it would be true. To have a house over a hill. Laziness is a wondrous frenemy that has taken my side. I am spending the most lazy days of my life.I occassionally dream of freedom. Freedom is really a struggle. Always been. I dream of waking up when I feel like or flying in the night. (Okay, I just made pav bhaji and returned.So where were we? Let's continue..) So, yes. I want to be able to do whatever I want whenever I feel like. With no permissions, no hassles.It seems like a dream. Will it ever come true? I don't know. Like Sheldon says ," Why hast thou forsaken me, O diety whose existence I doubt?"  Speaking of which The Big Bang Theory Sea...

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii... Howz u pipal doin? Fun? <blank> Er.. okay. Try n cheer up no? <blank> Err.. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. It's VACAY time. Long holidays. Tv series marathon.Moviz etc etc... <murmurs> You can go out also. Short trip. Weekend getaway. <Just a classy term you rascal> Oui okay dyude. Relax. Stay at home. Sleep? <huge roar> <Atta boy> <Imba man> <My boy, my boy> Somehere in the universe <hodor> <I am groot> Somewhere in an Indian household <Nikammi aulaad.. uth chal.. kitna soyega ab nalayak??? >

Two songs I'm stuck up on these days... 1. Preet from Khoobsurat 2. Kinaare from Queen Such fresh music. Much melody. Wow.

Last one week was a mess. A mess at work. Too many things falling on my head and no help from anywhere. Bitter friendship making things worse. Snapping at people and not being at my best. Now when I look back I could've handled things better, if I had changed my perspective towards things. Just a simple change in perception. Someone told me the world is not your utopia. It hit me hard. It was not helpful. Skill development at work.Yeah right, things I don't want to know. I just knew one thing. I had to fix everything by end of one week.Which I did. Reflecting on things, I did learn a lot. Maybe my friend was right. And I have some new resolutions at hand. They say what does not challenge you doesn't not help you grow. It's true. I just need to correct one thing. I will do it next week. When the going gets rough, you double the mantle and come back harder. Yes. That's the plan. So, yeah, when I look back I could've handled things another way, but I'm oka...

When you think that we've used all our chances, And the chance to make everything right, Keep on making the same old mistakes, Makes untipping the balance so easy. When we're living our lives on the edge.... -Blood Brothers (Iron Maiden)

I started writing at the beginning of the year. And another friend started writing after me. And then another friend took after us. Writing is the best thing ever. Dreamers we are. Why don't dreams simply fall in our laps? The movie rockstar was based on one idea- only after you're hurt will the true artist come out in you. Maybe it's true. When I'm in total bliss, I cannot really write much. Irony of life, because I find writing beautiful. And how can you lose something beautiful when you are in bliss ? How does it make that bliss real? Some people are busy updating their blog posts. It feels nice to see they have found their outlet. And you can barely understand their random behaviour. When loved people chose to ignore you. They devalue you. Demean you. No matter what the reason is. It is not something you deserve. It shouldn't be forgiven. And you carry on your daily life wondering what happened and eventually not caring. Putting that strong face. And later ...

Wow. What a year it has been. Weird. People. Places.This blog. It's August. I have been waiting for August for several months now. With a great deal of longing. It could be because of many reasons. Some of them being- chilling, hanging out with friends, meeting people and enjoying. Yeah, sounds stupid. But that's how life has been. Long story. I have realized, I put a great deal of myself into things I want in life. Even when they are simple little things. If they matter to me, I waste all of myself in them. Probably, this is why I have a rich feeling of things. Happiness or sadness. And this is why I want to find something in life, worth wasting myself on. But, I have stopped thinking. I have a tendency to fall in that trap. It's not good for me.  *********** I'm so terrible at bargaining. I cannot. I find it wierd. I need to learn. I'm bad at tipping too. Not because I don't want to tip. But because I feel it is an act of sympathy or somet...

The pain you gave me taught me a lot of things. I learnt me. -Merci.

"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ." ******************* Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the ...

You see how I trudge? Along this road. How I move and make my way? How I learn and unlearn, and then unlearn a little more ? And let understanding creep in. Carve its picture. I discover myself. I discover you. Believing is seeing. Becoming water. Then dreading in one moment. For you. But letting the wind blow. Finding happiness. It's real. And these moments, I have no words. I'm scared.To talk. I won't. I'm a spectator. I'm a doer. In every moment, I'm something new. I knew certain things. I know they exist. They seem far away. They will come back to me. If I wait. And not seek. Maybe. To learn from you, I love. To wait, I learn. -Merci.

It's been a long time since I have written anything. Mostly because I have no time. So, yeah, here I am with a paper and pen. Er, no. The blog and the keypad. Yes. I am going to proclaim the most abused line in the history of article writing ever now, "Yes. I don't really know what to write." No. I'm not going to blabber some shit and then end this article saying,"Look I ended up writing something after all." So, I have been in Singapore for quite sometime now. Needless to say, it has been a marvellous experience. Very enriching, very liberating. A little sense of pride in having earned it and a little sense of happiness in feeling lucky. There is something about independence, many would agree. There is something about little dreams coming true, too. I have learnt a lot of things on this trip. For one, life is easy. For two, life is not easy. It's always a 'you get some, you lose some' journey. Which actually, makes it wonderful. Travel...

I wish this song had a better video.

Life changes very quickly. Almost like it has it's own plans. It's funny. It's your choice they say. Make it or flow with it. But sometimes I feel there is always a flow with it. Even our decisons are meant to be. Or maybe they aren't. Or maybe I'm crazy. But the point is that I'm not thinking anymore. "Starlight, I will be chasing a starlight. Until the end of my life. I don't know if it's worth it anymore." I am a song picker. I sort of evaluate songs that I listen to. Sounds like hard work but it's a natural mechanism. And mostly I fall for the lyrics. I know a friend who can listen to all kinds of songs. Different songs. Not usually the kind I listen to. But they are nice. They are like him. They have his quality.  I know another friend who gives me just the kind of songs I need to listen to. My kind of songs. Bang on ! But wait, this post is not about songs. Maybe, it is about friends and people.Who knows? The last t...

Make your choice..

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. I am from Pluto. But, Pluto is no longer a planet. Which is pretty sad. It does not 'fit' in anymore. So, it has broken away from the Sun's orbit and wandered off in the wilderness to explore the Universe. And though, its favourite galaxy is Andromeda, it has to begin with the closest stop - Milky Way. And though it always wanted to slide on Saturn's rings, another planet at a little further distance, is making a lot of noise - 'Earth'.So Pluto explores the Earth (*sigh*). Wait. Don't sigh yet.There's good stuff here. That Sport: It's FIFA World Cup this year! So the entire world is gonna go craazzy soon :D. Except the USA (They already are :|). Also, India is busy bickering over Dhoni's captainship. It's time for him to go? Poor guy. Actually not.That's a part of your job description as the captain of the Indian cricket team. Lots of adulation. God-like worshiping. White hair by the t...

I think time is flying these days. Whirrrl and swishhh ! Have you checked your to-do list yet? Isn't it overflowing already? And there is so little time to do it all.It's been barely two months in this year and so much has happened already. Days have a lot of depth in them. There is no better time to do things than now. I remember a friend would tell me a few years ago, on how he had no time to talk. He would tell me, 'max out life Ayesha. And Listen'. For someone I knew for many years, he changed a lot as a person.He actually went from being a talker to a listener. He din't get along with so many norms that society and life throws at you when you grow up.I guess many of us go through it especially during adolescence.Teenage life is crazy.You spend so much time discovering yourself or the world around you.It's like having a deep impact on the brain.I saw so many of my friends go through it.I went through it.It's pretty normal.At the end of it yo...

Off late,I've picked up a fascination for Instagram. Yes, the photography app that took the world by storm. I have always been fond of photography and by this I don't mean getting my own pictures clicked. I love clicking pictures of landscapes, objects, people, situations and likewise.During my growing years I coaxed my dad into buying me a digital camera only because I loved photography.He went ahead and bought me a photography magazine too which had amazing tips on how pictures should be clicked.It also spoke about various themes to experiment with and freaky gadgets that rule the pictorial world. Rule 1: You got to have an SLR.It gives you amazing effects and can even make a donkey look outstanding. Rule 2: You got to have talent too. However, having said all this, photography for us commoners is mostly restricted to self images or maybe food or maybe some nice scenery.It is rarely real talent which, I think, is alright. Not everyone is an artist and nor do they inten...

The two kids floated in the air. Spinning around the moon. Tiny figures bobbing, to a playful tune. She said she'd make a dress, from the fine threads of the moonlight. All he wanted to do, was swing on it. In circles, they bickered. Holding their stance. And spent all night, in a moonlight dance. -Merci

Don't waste your words. On the undeserved. Petty. Lame. Watch them as they slowly cross your mind. The traces of their feet. The paths they choose to tread. Hold them back, if they choose a dirty lane. Hold them back, if they choose to dirty a lane. But let them flow, where they are needed the most. Let them flow, when silence is sin. For those who deserve, say words from all your heart. Even if it is one. Watch it flow in the universe. Softly immerse into the other. And illuminate. -Merci

While I'm travelling,  I spend most of my time listening to music . Especially, when I'm going home from work. It's usually dusk when I leave.And there is something about fading lights, moving trains and a sense of freedom. This post is about two songs. Listen to them for the magic of Arijit Singh and A. R. Rahman.While on a journey. Laidback.With the wind blowing in your hair. 1. Kabira (Yeh Jawaani Hain Deewani)                              2. Mahi ve  (Highway)   

Speak something if you must. Else say naught, and let your silence fill my heart. It's melody ring in my ears, Your presence fill my soul. What kind of a traveller are you, who rang the bell and walked away? Indeed I came running at the door. The verandah was vacant, the lantern hung low. I sat at the porch, eyes hurt as they looked for your sign in the horizon. The blue sky turned crimson, violet, black and shone again at dawn. But you would not return. For the love I hold. Or the stories untold. Because you do not care.

Today is the 1st of February 2014 and it is exactly 31 days since I've been off Facebook. Bahh ! I do not want to make it sound like a big achievement and honestly, it is not.Nor do I intend to give Facebook any undue importance or conversely, even deride it for that matter. I belong to that category of people who spend a healthy amount of time online - surfing the internet, chatting or accessing social websites.Since I belong to the 90's generation, I picked up this habit only during my degree college and so, thankfully, have a wonderful childhood to look back to. It was in December last year, that I decided to go off Facebook completely. I realized I was spending a lot of time in the virtual sphere and it was getting the better of me,maybe.At work I spent all the time in front of my laptop and I did not want to do the same at home for mindless activities.  Anyway, I decided to give it a try and what better way to start off than with the new year? So cometh 1st Januar...

Michael Schumacher, one of the greatest F1 drivers of all time, recently met with a freak accident while skiing in the French Alps. A tragic incident for the seven-time world champion who is now battling for his life at the Grenoble University Hospital, France. This news came as a shock for many. Even for those who do not watch Formula One. Plausibly because Schumacher is a much loved figure all across the world. People have atleast heard of his achievements and know what that man stands for. I remember when I first read this news, it deeply saddened me. Formula One is one of the many sports I follow and am undeniably in complete awe of.I have always admired the F1 drivers zooming past on the circuit at the speed of almost 350 km/hr , lying in uncomfortable sleeping positions and taking as many as about 50 laps on an average.I believe their focus, stamina and control is extremely commendable and worthy of several praises.I personally think, this sport is a spectacular display ...

I woke up early morning to the sound of the television showing the Republic Day Parade at Delhi.We celebrate our 65th Republic Day this year and India has definitely come a long way.Or has it? The significance of Republic Day dates back to 26th November 1949 when the Constitution of India was passed by the Constituent Assembly chaired by B.R. Ambedkar. However, it was chosen to be adopted on 26th January 1950 because this date was earlier associated with declaration of Complete Independence by the Indian National Congress (INC). A bite of history we learnt during school and I like to believe, every Indian knows about.  For me, these national holidays always serve as a reminder of our past.Of our pre-independence struggle and the valiant leaders our country had given birth to. It also serves as a stark contrast of how we had leaders who could die for the nation back then and the kind of leaders we have today :- who would kill for power. As, I watched the parade, a sense...