It was only last year that I began writing a diary. I remember how 2012 was such an action packed year for me. A lot of highs; a few lows. It was then that I decided I should maintain a diary. A friend seconded my decision saying it would give me such a better understanding of myself.
So here I was, with a seemingly simple task for many, but a mammoth expedition for myself: write my deepest feelings into a diary. For those who are closest to me would know it’s not natural of me at all. Nevertheless, I picked up a book and a funny wood pen (both received as gifts) and turned to page 1.
Dear Diary,
……
Believe me it’s a little scary. To write down what’s in your mind exactly how it is and see it in flesh. Also to recreate every little thing you have done in the day - giving so much power to a book? No, it’s not happening. But I did it. For quite some time. I wasn’t regular. But it felt nice eventually. Sometimes it’s fun to go back and read old entries. Well, don’t look for some grand revelation here. I was lousy. I would write after weeks and slowly that gap turned into months. I guess the last time I wrote something in it was in June 2013, when I really felt the need to write things out. It does not surprise me though. My mind is kind of self-contained. I think writing a diary is bold. But then I’ve taken quite a few bold chances this year anyway.
Anyway, the point of this introduction is not my diary writing habits .It just lays out the base of what this post is going to be like. Memoirs . Not a diary entry. Just a collection of stuff from round the corner.
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Recently, I came across a Facebook update from a well sorted head that I know.
“Life is pretty screwed but atleast it’s exciting.”
It cracked me up .Amused, I could totally relate to what my friend meant. I switched to reflecting on my life. Yeah, it’s pretty much similar, maybe a little screwed. But, hell yeah, exciting. I think I’m taking a pretty positive stance on this phase. It’s more like the transition phase we study about in chemistry. Lots of energy (could be negative too). So many things happening at the same time. God knows what compound will be formed once everything settles down. Looking forward to it or maybe not.
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I’m sitting on the 8th floor of a sky rise in the city. Not too high, until you reach the 24th floor for a spectacular view of the landscape of Mumbai and then realize how truly awesome this city is. Never-mind the traffic or rush we like to fret about. An open air lunch there and yes, dreams partly come true because recently I had been dreaming about getting a chance to have an open air dinner at Breeze or the Dome.
So, back on the 8th floor.Well, okay. This is a customer site (Yes, let’s mellow down the spectacular scene setting), a little posh, too corporate (neatly stacked horizontal rows of PCs and humans working away on it) and hence, boring. White, white everything white. It’s like entering that alternate dimension where you meet God (like they show in movies). Sometimes, I think my own office is so much better off. Atleast, we have carpets and not sparkling shiny corporate-ish flooring. Natural light coming in through glass windows and your own laptops for a feel of a personal space. A more homely and less zombie feel, I say. Anyway, I get my own corner to sit in. There is an issue to be resolved by another team , so some free time for me! I plug in my headphones, open that presentation I have to make (which I really don’t want to), open this post I have to complete (which I really want to), browse through mails and keep checking on the status of that issue. The last line basically describes our or rather my state since engineering happened. I am always multi-tasking. I don’t remember the last time I completely dedicated all my time to one job. It’s like I’m becoming a pro at it day by day or just getting spoilt by the day. But I believe this is our generation. Yet, let me beg to differ. The only time I am completely engrossed in doing one thing is when I write poems :) I hate it when I miss the flow. :-/
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This is turning out into a big post you know. But what the heck, I’ll proceed anyway .It’s funny how sometimes it becomes impossible to hate someone. I may lose respect for people and become indifferent. But you don’t want to do that to people who are dear to you. Sometimes the very same people may hurt you or walk away. They may even question you why they are dear to you in the first place. Haha. The latter one is quite funny but yeah anyway.
I think some of the best decisions in life are taken in moments. When it feels just right. You should definitely go with the flow .You know that shirt you saw in the mall? Yes, is it simply perfect? Then just buy it. Don’t include rationale there. Is it a good choice? Do I need it? What will happen? Stupid questions to confuse your mind and guide you to the wrong path.
I think the same goes with people. You don’t lose the right ones just like that.
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So,music is on and headphones are plugged in. Random songs are being played. I have no specific playlist.
Shikayatien mitane lagi, subah bedaag hain……”
Amit Trivedi and Amitabh Bhattacharya at work.
Such a beautiful song. And Ranveer Singh is good talent. Which reminds me Lootera was a good movie. Not perfect but better than shit Bollywood makes anyway. And winter and snow. I love
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The idea of living like a recluse gives me the kicks always. You know, away from the world. Doing your own thing. Maybe staying in touch with a few who matter . Dreams !
Light is slowly fading away in the backdrop. The day is coming to an end at work. Suddenly, you realize you haven’t reached all your dreams yet. Day by day, you don’t even know if you’re going to make it. Obstacles aplenty?
“ Mushkil ke dhabbo ko jamke mehnat se dho lenge.. Kamjoshi kaisi Bhaiyya ..Hum saare nal kholenge….”
Tarkeebein on the media player. Ranveer Singh yet again.
Talk about the perfect song playing at the perfect time. So much for inspiration I say :)
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